The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Mind

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, Check Out Your URL we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of destination, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .

However when issues occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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